i am a great big CHICKEN
4 Comments »
10/19/2008
I had not been out to a club/bar in twelve..fifteen years.
I had NEVER been out by myself.
People that know me would be surprised to hear me say that I'm shy. I enjoy being around people and once I get to know someone, I'm pretty much an open book. As a child, we moved every single summer from the time I was in kindergarten until I was in the sixth grade. Every single year, I had to face a classroom of new faces and I had a hard time making friends. To this day, walking into a roomfull of strange people makes me extremely anxious.
Yesterday I was feeling invigorated by the fine fall weather. I wanted to get out and be around people. I did a little shopping (something I usually despise). I got online and did a search for gay bars in the nearest, large city to me. There were two. They both had websites and myspace pages. One of them appeared to have more female customers and a bit more mature, age-wise. I surprised myself that I would actually even consider going.
So, I showered, shaved.. etc.. My hair and makeup looked great. I even wore black panties (strictly for my own personal morale) rather than my usual white, cotton Hanes for Her. I got in my car and drove the 75 minutes to the city. It was about 9:30 by the time I parked my car in the parking lot. I was so nervous I was shaking. I had made it this far, by God, and I was going in.
I walked up to the big front door and pulled it open and was standing behind a small cluster of people who were paying the cover to get in. I looked around while I waited. I had planned to just sit at the bar, have a drink and check it out. I handed over my $5 and continued scanning the room. There did not appear to be any open seats at the bar. It was a very small place. I made my way along the bar. All the small tables across from the bar, against the wall, were taken. I continued to the back of the room. All the seats at the bar were full too. I went to the bathroom (it makes me have to pee when I'm nervous). I came out of the bathroom, made my way back through the room, and walked right back out the front door, got in my car and drove quickly away.
Oh well, at least I went in...
I had not been out to a club/bar in twelve..fifteen years.
I had NEVER been out by myself.
People that know me would be surprised to hear me say that I'm shy. I enjoy being around people and once I get to know someone, I'm pretty much an open book. As a child, we moved every single summer from the time I was in kindergarten until I was in the sixth grade. Every single year, I had to face a classroom of new faces and I had a hard time making friends. To this day, walking into a roomfull of strange people makes me extremely anxious.
Yesterday I was feeling invigorated by the fine fall weather. I wanted to get out and be around people. I did a little shopping (something I usually despise). I got online and did a search for gay bars in the nearest, large city to me. There were two. They both had websites and myspace pages. One of them appeared to have more female customers and a bit more mature, age-wise. I surprised myself that I would actually even consider going.
So, I showered, shaved.. etc.. My hair and makeup looked great. I even wore black panties (strictly for my own personal morale) rather than my usual white, cotton Hanes for Her. I got in my car and drove the 75 minutes to the city. It was about 9:30 by the time I parked my car in the parking lot. I was so nervous I was shaking. I had made it this far, by God, and I was going in.
I walked up to the big front door and pulled it open and was standing behind a small cluster of people who were paying the cover to get in. I looked around while I waited. I had planned to just sit at the bar, have a drink and check it out. I handed over my $5 and continued scanning the room. There did not appear to be any open seats at the bar. It was a very small place. I made my way along the bar. All the small tables across from the bar, against the wall, were taken. I continued to the back of the room. All the seats at the bar were full too. I went to the bathroom (it makes me have to pee when I'm nervous). I came out of the bathroom, made my way back through the room, and walked right back out the front door, got in my car and drove quickly away.
Oh well, at least I went in...
Ha! I've done the same. I don't know if it's just from past experience or realizing the club scene isn't really the place for me anymore.
Next time perhaps you'll go in.
Look forward to hearing about it.
BB
X
I too hate going to the bar alone. We have some wonderful gay bars in ohio but the wife always goes with me :) Then again... I don't think she would let me go alone at all anyway :) You will get the nerve up to meet new people... just takes time.
I real honest writing and something so many can relate to. Love your efforts here :)