what i want
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11/30/2008
As I sat, soaking in the tub tonight I realized that what I really wanted and desired in my life has not changed from what I wanted as a young child. I know that people are motivated by many different things. People crave recognition, fame, wealth, possessions, power, success. There is nothing wrong with these things and if we were all the same, life would be tedious and boring.
As a child, there is really only one thing that I can remember wanting. I mentioned before that we moved every summer as I was growing up. It was difficult to make friends, so the library provided my 'friends'. In the summertime, I would often read a book a day. Many of these books detailed a story of some young girl and her best friend... her kindred spirit. That was the most tantalizing thing in the world to me. I just imagined how wonderful it would be to have that one special girl all to myself. That one person who would always be there for me... that I could share my secrets with and keep her secrets...share my dreams with and listen to her talk about her dreams. Funny that it took me years to figure out that I was gay, lol. But seriously, I still just crave that person, that kindred spirit. I think what scares me the most is that I will never, ever have that.
I know that sounds silly and sentimental... but oh well, I guess I'm silly and sentimental?
As I sat, soaking in the tub tonight I realized that what I really wanted and desired in my life has not changed from what I wanted as a young child. I know that people are motivated by many different things. People crave recognition, fame, wealth, possessions, power, success. There is nothing wrong with these things and if we were all the same, life would be tedious and boring.
As a child, there is really only one thing that I can remember wanting. I mentioned before that we moved every summer as I was growing up. It was difficult to make friends, so the library provided my 'friends'. In the summertime, I would often read a book a day. Many of these books detailed a story of some young girl and her best friend... her kindred spirit. That was the most tantalizing thing in the world to me. I just imagined how wonderful it would be to have that one special girl all to myself. That one person who would always be there for me... that I could share my secrets with and keep her secrets...share my dreams with and listen to her talk about her dreams. Funny that it took me years to figure out that I was gay, lol. But seriously, I still just crave that person, that kindred spirit. I think what scares me the most is that I will never, ever have that.
I know that sounds silly and sentimental... but oh well, I guess I'm silly and sentimental?
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